I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I can see the end of this well, I think..Amazing..It is half relief and half apprehension of letting go, having to write the end of well report etc...
I tell you it is time to go though. The human rapport has gone to shits. I came within seconds of making one huge tactical mistake and I was not able to fully recuperate from it. The rest is just being tired of the small bullshit that never ends and noticing what people normally say but not quite being able to ignore it.
Right now I am pulling through trying to plow my way through things like this...actual quotes of what people are telling me:
"I wish you would die now and die slowly so you really suffer" from the guy in charge of security..always a good feeling! At least I am clear on the fact that if I need security to step in they will take their time to make sure they don't get there too early.
"That guy is not kidding he really can't stand you"
Talking about the guy in charge of security and said at the lunch table in front of everybody..just so everybody knows that security is not on my side...not done on purpose in this case..
"He doesn't hate you, he just feels sorry for you"
About the same guy...it just gets better and better, that's from somebody who is supposed to be on my side! because I guess I am suppose to prefer people feeling sorry for me.
"I've already call the people you are in charged of, but do it again if you want you are the boss"
Who else but the company man who thinks that he is a great leader and says to everybody that they are the boss after he's told them what to do on a subject that has nothing to do with him at all?...He is so condescending that he thinks we buy the "you are the boss" line!!! Obviously we are just to dump to see that we are being bossed around when somebody talks to us that way!
"You are going to finish either with the bottle or with the gun"
Guess who? but the security guy...a real winner!! ..at least when he said "with the gun" he made the motion of somebody shooting themselves and not the motion of shooting me...Of course the gun is really not my style but how would he know...Oh I forget he knows everything there is to know about me.....he knows me better than I know myself now that he has talked to me half a dozen times....Another world leader, a great people person!
"You will not be able to stay the full three weeks in Kenya, you will run away screaming"
One of the French guy, racist as they come who think that the fact that people are black in Kenya is going to be a shock to me..everybody knows me better than I know myself on this location...those people are so smart and I am such a simple creature.
"You are going to hate Kenya, why don't you do something else"
Another french guy just as racist, just as sure that I really would rather hang around white people...I am telling you those people know me better than I know myself but somehow they don't seem to be able to get the idea that thir racism is their problem.
"All canadians are political morons" from somebody who knows probably a grand total of 20 canadians! Though he does admit that he knows one politcally smart Canadian.
"You are so naive" I hear mostly from the security and company men....God knows I think all people are kind and can be trusted..and I would never think that humans are the most discusting creatures on the planet....I am just so naive that I don't even think they are a bunch of stupid ass holes!!! (If you don't pick up sarcasm here...............). This usually comes after I make a statement on, for example, how bad corruption is and instead of hearing my statement they hear that I am naive about it...I get answers in the style of "wake up, of course corruption is bad, how can you be so naive?!?" Well I was saying that it was bad, wasn't I? *shrug*
"It would do you good to get roughed up a little" because it is a well known fact that being attacked several times while at work abroad is just not enough, being harrassed all the time also at work is also not enough so really somebody should beat me up every now and then. It builds character, and physical violence is the answer to all problems, right?!?!
etc etc etc...of course they are "just kidding", they "mean well"! It is like when people start a sentence with "don't take it badly" or "I don't mean it badly..." you know what comes next is going to be real shitty.
It reminds me of the end of the Kazakhstan job when the guy attacked me on the rig and the new owner of the oil company refused to send me a car to go back to town to the airport....the same warm feeling of caring...Oh I am so naive...I have never gone though adversity!!!
I must be doing something wrong! I must be doing something very wrong! Either this or I am terminally insane.
Probably both!!!
