Either conversations from hell or a bad comedic play

Bits of conversations with one of the guy from the rig (my job):

Me: "I assumed you had released those guys."
Him: "I assumed you had. Why did you assume I had done it? You should never assume anything!"
---------
Him: "Yes, you should never call the IT department this is not your job. But I don't understand why you didn't call them this afternoon, you should have called them. Do I have to do everything myself? I thought I was surrounded by adults here"
-------------
After he orders a BBQ for the rig for New Years Eve but told the kitchen that we didn't need the actually barbecue, just the food, while in fact we have no barbecue... And after he left the rig and the rig move proceeded very smoothly without him, the only thing wrong was that we have no food because he tried to treat us to some BBQ and now he is embarrassed because he invited other people. "I have to do everything myself. If I don't do it everything goes to shits! Look at this I go for one day and nothing is right"
----------
Him: "As long as communication works for ME I am happy"
----------
Him: "You don't need to be shy around me. You can say what you want."
Me: "I'm not shy, I just don't like to get f***ed over twice in a row, that's not the same thing."
Him: "No need to talk to me that way"
-----------
Me: "I just received instructions about the mud composition. I was asked to check that you have the same?"
Him: "why?"
Me: "Well, we are on the same well, we should be doing the same thing."
Him: "who said the mud composition had to be this?"
Me: "Nobody, my boss asked me to check that you had the same instructions"
I check his program it says the same.
Me: "you have the same, good"
Him: "who wrote this program Does it come from geology?"
Me: "I don't know who writes it." (not true but...)
Him: "F**k, Why do they want this?"
Me (even though I know) : "I don't know"
Him: "Before I do something I like to know why"
Me: "Why are we setting casing at XXX metres?"
Him: "I don't know"
Me: "Are you going to do it not knowing why?"
Him: "Yes"
Me: "So what about the mud? Are you going to do it not knowing why?"
Him: "No, I need a f***ing letter"
Me: "Ok. I'll get somebody to write one for you"
Him: "No, I'll ask over the phone"
Me: "Ok, all I ask is: could you please let me know what the answer is? If the mud
composition is a problem we need to give town time to sort it out"
Him: "why do they want this?"
Me: "Thank you gentlemen" (there another guy sitting through all this, sitting quietly)
----------

This is it folks, this is my job!!!!!!